Game of Thrones Season 5, Episode 3: Sparrow’s Church of the Holy Seven

This was the first episode in a long while that made me feel any kind of intense emotion that wasn’t anger.

The Good

  • Three cheers for Lord Commander Snow playing the game and playing it well! He magnanimously backed his enemies into a corner. They could either accept his graciousness or defy orders and get punished for it.
  • Stannis’ small nod of recognition.
  • While many of the “evil” characters get what is coming to them, it’s rarely as straightforward and satisfying as the execution of the not-so-dearly departed Janos Slynt.
  • Maisie Williams knocked it out of the park this week. She made me feel everything I felt reading that part in the books and didn’t even need words to do so. I wish they let her do more with the role.
  • I may hate the current Sansa-in-the-North development with the power of a hundred suns, but the old woman telling Sansa, “The North remembers,” chilled me to the bone. If only someone had reminded them that it could have been brought up thematically in the fourth season, since that was the tagline and all.
  • Tommen is the sweetest lion cub and I fear for his safety.

The Bad

  • The Daenerys and Seven porn parody. We get it, HBO; you like mammary glands.
  • Margaery’s revisited age difference with Tommen finally reached its full potential for creepiness.
  • I hate the change in Sansa’s storyline. I wouldn’t wish Ramsay on anyone (whether it be canon or not), so if this was really a matter of simplifying the story they could have omitted it completely. R’hllor knows they’ve taken more liberties sidelining or completely ignoring other important storylines and characters.
  • Petyr tells Sansa to stop running. That argument doesn’t really make sense, considering that a lot of people criticize Sansa for not paragliding out of King’s Landing at the first opportunity while assassinating Joffrey and Cersei from above using her hidden ninja stars. If anything, her first instinct is to stay put and weather the storm.
  • We hear more about Renly from Brienne than we have ever heard from Loras, Renly’s bereaved boyfriend.
  • Arya using a gendered slur.
  • “I always pay my debts. I’m well known for it.” An undercover Tyrion, masterfully concealing his identity.
  • I do not understand Cersei being written as anything other than a bomb that makes aggressive ticking noises around people it doesn’t like. Cersei doesn’t cower or play nice, Cersei terminates.

Opportunities Missed

  • The Faceless Man reminds Arya that all men must serve. I can’t have been the only one hoping Arya would impishly remind him in turn that she is not a man (or that she is no one, at least).
  • An acknowledgment from Pod and Brienne that, while their respective situations were terrible, they had class privilege. Pod lives to breathe another day because of his family name and Brienne got to dance with the King’s brother at what was the worst party in the recorded history of Westeros (barring wedding celebrations) and make something of herself despite society’s rules.
  • Olly seems to be replacing Satin, which is a crying shame.
  • “Edd, fetch me a block.” This omission haunts me.

This post is brought to you with help from the lovely Nikki who saved us all from the typos.