Sleepy Hollow Season 2, Episode 5: The one with Moaning Myrtle and the Case of Crane on the Brain

First victim to this awful malady is apparently sweet Caroline. The opening scene was especially amusing to me, since the two actors have played Mr. Bingley and Jane Bennet respectively in different adaptations of Pride and Prejudice. Even her name made me think of P&P (which was name-dropped last episode by Nick).

Now, Ichabod’s refusal to let go of his past, at least as far as menswear is concerned, probably led to quite a number of encounters with this young woman, who utterly enamored, not only made him clothes, but also churned butter for him –not a colonial euphemism.  Ichabod was completely oblivious up to the moment when she decided to go in for a kiss.

He quickly informed her that he was married and as if on cue Abbie appeared with takeout. Caroline looked mortified, almost as mortified as Ichabod, and after a series of apologies and misunderstandings she exited scene right of Abbie laughing herself into oblivion. Thus, the phrase Crane on the brain was born and let us all take a moment and give thanks for that and the way Nicole Beharie rolls her r’s.

Katrina is doubted by many, but she seems to actually earn her stripes as a spy this episode. She used the juice of berries to create ink and then summoned a raven to do her bidding all just in time before Abraham appeared. His response to her simple question (I trust all is well? WHY WOULDN’T IT BE!) makes me believe that Abraham is the type of person that gets offended when someone tells them their outfit looks cute, because of course they look cute. They look cute every day, in every outfit.

Abraham notices that a window had been opened and that Katrina is probably trying to get around the spell-cancelling wards on the house, so he quickly informs Henry of the fact. Initially Henry seems almost proud of his mother’s prowess as a witch, but quickly and with great glee gets to planning a reverse parent trap. In his words, he wants to “Sever her bond with Crane.” and if you want to praise the writing staff for anything, it’s their dedication to subtle headlessness puns.

After a short scene introducing a very standard horror scenario of two teens in a car, nobody actually gets murdered. At the other end of town we get an adorable scene with Caroline, Ichabod, a mug, and the founding fathers, where they part as friends. So it really pissed me off when two seconds and a spooky dark thing later, we see her body being dragged out of the river.

Next we have Ichabod crashing the crime scene and contaminating evidence while Abbie tries to do her job and that eventually leads them to the local High School. Ichabod admires their spirit and I admire the writers for yet another pun, this time of the ghostly variety (or I may be looking into things too much).

And finally we get to the Weeping Lady/Moaning Myrtle/Monster of the Week.

Our witnesses hit the library for clues and Ichabod gets his wife’s raven mail. Nick materializes to call Abbie a nerd, but also plug libraries for their usefulness. He is so obviously trying to get into Abbie’s good graces, that it seems weird he’s playing hard to get, but I guess that’s how chaotic neutrals roll.

The Weeping Lady appears and Abbie decides to not only go closer, but to also tell the angry spirit to put her hands up. Unsurprisingly bullets are useless against her and Abbie goes for a nice refreshing dive through a portal of drowning. After a series of shots reminiscent of Frodo saving Sam from his brilliant plan to walk into a deep lake carrying his bodyweight in supplies, Abbie is dragged back into the safety of the library.

She was not breathing however, and the audience and Hawley screamed mouth-to-mouth in Ichabod’s general direction before Hawley had to step in and save her. (that was not the correct way to give mouth to mouth fyi) Paramedics arrived, took care of business and left to go and file the strangest paperwork of their careers. Or maybe not, this is Sleep Hollow after all.

Our witnesses are back on the trail thanks to Abbie’s need to secret away clues even while drowning and Ichabod’s remarkable memory for  fabric, in this case Scottish cotton lace.  This leads us to the actual patient zero of Crane on the brain, Mary, a young lass afflicted at the tender age of ten who crossed an ocean and still wasn’t cured.

She very accurately reads the entire situation between Ichabod and Katrina, even going so far as to call her a dreadful witch. She did unfortunately miss Ichabod’s I’m-just-not-that-into-you vibes. All is well however, because Crane receives a letter from her bidding him farewell. It is the third time something handwritten gets a close-up and so far the other two were both Katrina’s. Interesting…

Abbie and Ichabod visit Nick who appears to have taken residence on a surfer’s paradise (surfer’s paradises have no walls). He then proceeds to act like the shady arm’ dealer in video games and hands the heroes a weapon for free, when there is obviously something in it for him.

Armed and dangerous they reach the horseman’s abode, only to see him ride like the wind out of there. That’s how they realize Katrina’s not in the house and how I realize how terrible their plan was. What were they going to do if he was still in there? Smile and say they’re just there as protective custody? Anyway.

Katrina saves herself like a masterful river queen and drips her way to our heroes, where she convinces Abbie to do a very fast incantation with her. Ichabod is supposedly helping the situation by stalling Mary, but he just angers the spectre and she passes through him leaving a wet mist in her wake. Ichabod makes the third person this week to be attractively wet beyond belief.

The incantation works and Mary goes on to greener pastures and reveals that Katrina has committed yet another fraud. As her lies pile up around her, she very smartly doesn’t excuse herself by saying it was because she loves him, but that she forged the letter because he had an important mission to see through.

Katrina then saves Ichabod from the horseman, but leaves him and in all probability their relationship, a damaged mess.

Jenny jumps into the picture, like a flirty, coffee-stealing force of nature and I find myself scribbling Mrs. Mills and hearts in my notes, even as we get to the memorial service. It really is a shame that Caroline is out of the show because I can only imagine how she and Ichabod could drive Abbie up the wall.

Abbie seems to be the only one at the funeral not wearing colonial garb, but she makes up for it with a more than cute bun and a straight-faced acceptance of the fact that Ichabod Crane will spout what other people might call wedding vows, while looking deeply into her soul.

“Our duty is to one another, before anything and anyone.” Really Ichabod.

Moloch bellows things like “HELLFIRE SHARDS” and “VESSELS” at us, which are worrying enough that we barely notice that the closing shot should have been Henry sitting and crying amongst the rubble of his model town.

Ichabod vs. Modern Times moment of the week:  Emoticons are apparently “Grimacing lemon caricatures.”

Abbie Mills is Queen moment of the week: To a bickering pair of adult men “Boys we don’t have time for this.”