We open with a distressed and disheveled Ichabod and since I’m a very classy broad my first observation was that it looked like something that rhymes with chasm denial. It’s actually yoga, because apparently that’s how young kids these days train for the apocalypse, a far cry from alcohol and demon blood dependency, which was the Winchesters’ approach in days of yore.
What follows is an argument about the legitimacy of the word buns and Ichabod’s firm (heh) belief that Ms. Minaj’s popular song should have been ‘My anaconda don’t want none unless you got double jugs, hun’. It somehow still works.
Abbie prompts Ichabod to talk about his feelings concerning his wife’s actions and he takes some time to get to what really bothers him. It hurts him that Katrina lied to him and it hurts him that she didn’t trust him in the first place.
Understanding Ichabod’s frustration Abbie decides they should do things his way. His way is toasting to General Washington’s glorious name and drinking all the beer he can get in his mouth without running out of breath (so not that different from the Winchesters after all).
While Ichabod indulges his revolutionary party-bro ways, Abbie breaks up a bar fight and that is how we find out that Corbin had a son. Joe doesn’t seem to like Abbie much, being openly hostile towards her and blaming her for her father’s death.
Next we get a sneak peak of something I have written down as: creepy Hannibal-looking monster. Having not in fact seen Hannibal I can only assume I am correct, because I’ve seen gifs of a freaky-looking antler monster.
Abbie answers a call concerning Joe, the guy she used to babysit, that now resents her. As they drive over, Ichabod treats her breathalyzer like a carnival game, declaring his victory over it with an enthusiasm that only serves to explain the reason he was victorious.
He quickly sobers up however when they come across Bigfoot… Or, well, carnage and a big footprint. The only survivor of a rather gruesome attack, that left a corpse completely devoid of internal organs (no, it wasn’t Manara’s Spider-Woman), was Joe. I’m sure you were as completely surprised as I was. He seems shaken, but fine and wishes his father was there.
Later at the hospital Abbie tries to reason with him and despite her almost magical negotiation powers, he doesn’t budge. Turns out he resents her and his father for loving her, so much he joined the army. That must have made for some very awkward conversations when he explained his reasons for enlisting to people who either had no choice or believed in a higher purpose.
Henry is over at Irving’s explaining how the whole I-own-your-soul thing works: when Frank dies, his soul belongs to War. Irving’s first reaction was to scream that was never going to happen (because he is an immortal vampire and therefore undead). His actual way out of it is to find another soul to replace his at which point we get the reveal that the monster that ran over Macey is in the same building.
Parrish goes on to spout some Intro to Philosophy lines about monsters and the abyss, but the part about the abyss gazing back just comes across as his desperate attempts to find any parental figure, even if it is in the form of endless chaos.
Meanwhile, Ichabod’s been reading up on wood dwelling monsters and has crossed Chupacabra, Sasquatch and Smokey the Bear off his list of possible suspects. This turns their attention to Joe and we are reminded of the realities of war Ichabod had faced too many times. He knows what a dying soldier asks for (their mother), so Joe’s cries about his father didn’t strike him as likely.
A few minutes of research and references to Daniel Boone the Raccoon guy, reveal that Joe is in fact a Wendigo and only returns to human form after a human organs’ Happy Meal. Which of course means that our intrepid team is on his trail.
A search of his apartment later and we find out that Corbin manages to be a terrible father to Joe even post mortem, as he entrusts him with the protection of humanity from the coming apocalypse with no warning. His last will and testament bequeath his son some things that are buried at coordinates conveniently located on maps Joe didn’t take with him.
The witnesses travel to the aforementioned location to confront Joe. A bleeding cut on Ichabod’s hand and a few screams and shots later, WendiJoe is safely shackled in the gang’s subterranean secret Masonic cell, as Hawley admiringly looks on.
Abbie and Hawley discuss saving Joe while Ichabod passive aggressively applies a band-aid to his cut. When Jenny arrives with fresh(ish) organs, Hawley gives her a frightened/awkward/guilty-of -something look that I hope is one we’d all have upon seeing Jenny carrying a cooler of organs and not in fact a sign of the most unnecessary and unwanted love triangle in the history of storytelling.
After feeding what was definitely not a human’s worth of organs Joe feels more like himself and talks about how he was blackmailed by Henry using black magic. Crane sees this as a sign of his son’s rebellious phase. We all ground children’s bones to a powder and sent them off to curse people when we were teenagers, right?
No, instead of listening to Evanescence and writing a diary, Henry wants the poison whose name Google didn’t inform me of. Is it Jingo? Jing? Jenkins? Is that why they always pin the murder on the butler? We may never know.
Ichabod comes to term with the fact that he might love his son, the Horseman of War and Joe offers him some solid advice on dejected children. Henry just needs a hug.
A little bit more research later and the gang discover that if Joe changes one more time he will become a Wendigo permanently. There is hope, however, and it lies with the Shawnee. Hawley has a tense relationship with them, but Ichabod is passive-aggressively sure he’ll fare better since he’s not awful, untrustworthy trash.
He’s right, though name-dropping Boone didn’t hurt.
Abbie has a touching moment with Joe and they talk about the fact that she initially just wanted to avoid jail, later understanding that she wanted to be part of a loving family, his loving family.
But surprise! Henry cuts their bonding short by bursting into the cell surrounded by armed goons. Surprise again! Jenny stops Parrish’s threatening muahahaha in its tracks. It doesn’t matter. The moment Parrish says: She’ll keep you locked up for the rest of your life insisting it’s for your own protection (because he doesn’t seem to want to stop projecting), it is all over and Joe hands himself and the poison over to Henry.
In return Henry agrees to cure him. Of his humanity of course! Say hello to permanently Wendigo Joe.
Next we get a tense scene of Irving almost murdering a guy, who I really wouldn’t mind being dead, but since Frank is a better person than me he stopped. In all likelihood killing him would only mean the contract was broken, but he’d have to join anyway because he is a murderer.
A set change later and we find that the cure is nestled firmly in Ichabod’s hands in the form of a human skull engraved in English or some other European alphabet for whatever reason. Despite Hawley’s trepidation (which is warranted), the gang step out to save Joe.
Abbie cuts her palm in order to serve as bait, but Ichabod is having none of it. He cuts his palm too because he never quite got the handle of not being reckless. They wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care, when really they do because there’s a Wendigo about to chase them down.
Jenny and Haeley chat about the latter’s shortcomings while arming themselves just in time to trap the monster in with Abbie and Ichabod, humanity’s only hope. Fortunately the incantation works, but not immediately. It’s just a little prank shaman Frank decided to play on them.
Safely back in the archives, Ichabod complains about video games, but not in the way one would immediately assume and Joe asks for Abbie’s help getting into the FBI. Then we get a call from Irving, who spills the soul beans to Abbie. If there is anything I appreciate about this show, it’s the fact that people mostly (I’m looking at you Katrina) communicate.
The last scene is split up between Ichabod believing there is still good in his son and his son sending a magical poison spider after his mother, in an effort to piss off everyone including Moloch.
I feel this episode was slightly lackluster, Irving’s struggle the only really interesting part of the episode. The Shawnee bikers could be cool can we please see more of them, thank you.
Ichabod vs. Modern Times moment of the week: Superman… Is Peter Parker? No, that’s the arachnid fellow…
Abbie Mills is Queen moment of the week: Agreeing to help Joe get into the FBI, a dream she’s given up on for the sake of her mission.